the re-invention of the self

the main attraction of traveling for me, at first glance, has been the re-invention of the self. maybe i would move somewhere, work another job, stop smoking, become more responsible, or something else of a similar nature. such a fallacious logic. each time before when i traveled i hit a point where i realized that the change wasnt coming to fruition, and i came home with stories and pictures. these last few days i have come to a similar point, but instead i have realized that i dont need to reinvent myself. i was doing alright before i left, and a few flaws always add character. the person i was trying to become, was a person i disliked. time to grow up.

shes really short, but shes got the biggest heart i have ever known.

在江油 (at a city called Jiang You)

我会说中文。。。。有时候

lets see, whats new?

i went clubbing in 绵阳 mianyang.

i have met many new people that society would refer to as "a bad seed".

i played a drinking game with a gang leader. 

there has been a shit ton of military helicopters patrolling the skies. 

i nibbled some cow tongue, pig brains, chicken heart, and barbeque rabbit.

i used my chinese language skills to avoid a confrontation between my foreign friend, 2 pimps, and about a dozen or so hookers.

i found out that most hairdressers here are straight and have really beautiful girlfriends, but act really gay because thats what they see on TV and in movies. 

i got my chinese friends to like the following bands; gogol bordello, pinback, pink floyd, mountain goats, flaming lips, and the kinks.

i am going to my friends families house in 成都 chengdu for a wedding this weekend. photos shall ensue. 

江油

i spent a day in 江油， and a few in 绵阳。a good time. the scope of the earthquake just keeps getting bigger and bigger. this school has operated out of temporary buildings on the sports fields for the last year, and will continue to do so until maybe another year or two. the kids are brilliant, the teachers are brilliant, and the city was amazing. 

 

found : that thing i was looking for

so i bought a new bike. just a pedal and go sort. i love it much more than the electric bike, i try to spend atleast 2 hours riding a day. i have discovered the most amazing back alleys and secret paths through this city. i have also discovered the farming areas. most of the farmers have recently come together to rent equipment and help to build their own roads. its amazing the way people come together here. 

i have a girl that loves me. and everyday i realize a little more that i must stop being afraid of commitment. she is also teaching me sichuan hua, the dialect spoken here. the dialect that is so completely frustrating me on a daily basis. she is something amazing, but if i commit i will most likely never return to america, nor will i have as much freedom to explore this vast world. its a fork in the road, and i always thought i knew the answer.

next year is still a mystery, i dont know where i will be. maybe Mianzhu 绵竹，Mianyang绵阳，Xindu District新都市，or Xinjiang province (north of Tibet). the future is wide open.......

end of a daydream

a few days ago i was jolted back to reality. but reality is not so bad, just got to make the best of things. 

i'll have some pictures to post soon. goodnight world. 

i can tell why the hours disappear

its been a good few days. even though some terrorist/petty thief stole my electric bicycle, i have been feeling pretty good. but i miss putting on my headphones and driving my bike like a crazy man through this city. weaving though chinese traffic and listening to Hoover has become an addiction of sorts.

starting to plan out some motivation to study 四川话（sichuan dialect）

喜欢四川话， 觉得就是很有意思。四川话比普通话很玩儿。但是四川话太难了。

america was stolen

last night, at some time after 3 am, america was stolen. i will miss america, especially the freedom she gave me. i locked her up, and some dick came and stole her. now i will have to buy another moped. there will never be another america, she was my first. 

有时候我想跳舞

i keep having this dream, it takes place on the night i left kalamazoo. nothing special, its just a memory in dream format. 

i pack all my things, after everyone goes to sleep in the gibbs house. i sit and wait, triple checking my visa, passport, plane ticket and other odds and ends. i re-write my letter to my family, for the sixth time. i re-write another letter, which i never gave to chul u. and i sit there, going over the plan in my head. i have never been so afraid and excited in my life. i want to wake my roommates and confess. 

at around 3 am, i move all my belongings to the car ever so quietly. i sit in my room for the last time, thinking. read my letter to the house, look through my room once more and leave.

i drive to fourth coast. i avoid talking to a few people, and confess my adventure to Rich(the awesome WMU prof thats always in 4th coast late at night). he admits its a bit crazy, but that he admires me for doing it. my fear fades and my excitement builds. i drink my coffee. i stare. i leave.

4:40 am, i drive to my parents house. i place the letter in the mailbox, and my heart seems to stop. i am a villain in this moment. i stop the car to go inside and confess to my mother and father what i am about to do. but i can't. i drive away trying not to cry.

5:20 am, i am outside of chul-us place. i walk to the door. i cant seem to find my heart, i walk away unable to leave his letter. i am a thief in this moment. i sit in my car, wanting to go inside and confess. i drive away trying not to admit how afraid i am.

i drive around kalamazoo, by my old apartments, by my old hangouts, by anyplace i have a significant memory of. trying to recapture every memory that kalamazoo ever gave me. part of me never wanted to forget, and part of me never wanted to see those things again. i listened to the creek drank the cradle by iron and wine. 

6:30 ish, i park in the long term parking at the airport. place all my things on the ground behind the car. checking to make sure i have everything. checking a third, fourth, and fifth time. i tuck another letter, money, and the key into the visor. i lock the doors. i shut the doors, checking that they are all locked. i check a third, fourth, and fifth time. i pick up my things and walk slowly into the airport.

the airport is empty and my flight wont leave until 8:15. i am convinced i will be discovered before i can leave. i sit in the corner, far from the view of the waiting area windows. i wait, wondering what my 40 hour plane ride will be like, and wondering what happens after that plane ride. 

finally, i board. the dream stops, and i wake up here.

 

say love

 

these are a few of my friends. Yu Jiu, Ting Ting, and Hu Men. i am secretly in love with Yu Jiu, but i could never tell her. she is perhaps the most entertaining person i have ever encountered. soon i will teach her how to drive my moped. she is very excited, as am i. 

Ting Ting takes all my money when we play mahjong. i am secretly in love with her too. they call her the queen of mahjong, i have maybe given her about  300 yuan each month.

HuMen is a quality guy. nice, his english is good, plays basketball, and has a nice girlfriend(not pictured). I like HuMen.  

Hu Men and Ting Ting are from XinJiang province, north of Tibet. i will spend next summer visiting them. and hopefully they will help me get into Tibet. Yu Jiu is from HuBei province. i guess they speak funny in HuBei, she has a funny accent and all my friends make fun of her mandarin (putong hua).

being single here kinda sucks. couples are everywhere, and they are always cute. and couples are always trying to out-cute eachother. in fact i saw a couple fight another couple yesterday. i couldnt understand why, but a guy fought another guy after he yelled at the other guys girlfriend, and then their girlfriends went at it. i guess in a way, even the way couples fight is kinda cute.

everyones favorite thing to do here is KTV, or as we call it karaoke. here is some chinese rap.

soapbox

i think everyone wants five minutes on a soapbox. if i could stand on my soapbox for five minutes, and speak to the whole world i would say this;

"the older i get, the more i realize how little i actually know. this is not a bad thing. just a truth, like every other truth, so difficult to face."

the other 4 minutes and 50 something seconds, they could just think. 

its been sometime

the center of my school. some of the country names below the flags are spelled wrong. there are also these strange inspirational quotes in english, such as; "he who cockers his child, provides for his enemy"

the reason i wake up so early every day. these kids are so full of life and love, but the system treats them like cattle. 6 days of class from 7am to 10 pm, with a 2 hour break for lunch and nap. i taught some of them what a hug is, it broke my heart to realize some of them had never hugged or been hugged. 

the alley that leads to my apartment. my door is just below the red sign on the left, you can also see my moped parked there. 

my favorite student. she often threatens to box me, and i ask her "do you really want to become a panda?", and she giggles.

5 months later, love and 2 cities

i thought about having a blog for some time now. i had an old one, i didn't care for it much. so here is my new idea. i try to take a few photos of random things during each day with my cellphone, and then post them on here. 

i haven't any photos from today, so here are a few from the last while.

this is in front of the temple in xindu. i woke up one morning to go for a ride. this is what i saw.

 

i went to chengdu, the big part of my city. i wanted to buy a sweater. this is what i saw